@ntx….

hi friends…. thanks so much…

every word of encouragement help alots thanks…

i will try my best in all i do…. n hopefully things will go well.

… its been a long time, or maybe the first time that I feel that I sucks. In my memory, i have never been classified as the "lower capability" group.

Am I really that bad? Have I been always deceiving myself that I was always among the better ones? Could it be the stress that I am going thru?…

Facts:

My studies is in a mess

I am lost at work

My confidence level is at the lowest ever

I feel tired… really tired

My mind feels like giving up

I feel like I am breaking down once again…

Mr. Ant is no longer hardworking

Mr. Rainbow no more…

Just a low capability guy…

突然累了

吃饭吃到睡了 我开车开到傻了
我看书看到你了 开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了 我写歌写到疯了
我爱你 爱到盲了 天知道我又怎么了 不舍得
舍不得 都分手了 舍不得
不舍得 散了(爱是你的 我是我的 完了)
原来我只是突然累了 原来我不说了
原来我撑着撑到麻了 原来我不爱了

没有女朋友的原因 (我认为)：

1) 没胆子

2) 长的不帅

3) 不会哄人

4) 没钱

5) 木头一个

6) 没信心

7) 怕失败

没有女朋友的原因 (男性朋友认为)：

1) 没胆子

2) 没信心

3) 同性恋

4) 眼光太高

5) 没钱

没有女朋友的原因 (女性朋友认为)：

1) 没胆子

2) 没信心

3) 时机为到

4) 不会哄人

你认为呢？请将你的看法告诉我。。。

… i was tired, was no my way to the gents, where i met my buddy Teo n casper talking at the corridor. I stop by them to check out wats happening. Well its jus some things that casper is facing at sch, and Teo is trying to give some advice on it. Half way thru the conversation, a lady, in fact a not bad looking one, came to the same corridor in search of the ladies. Teo, as a gentleman, pointed out to her the direction to the restrooms. Well, we decided that we should stop as we been out for some time. Teo n casper headed back while i proceed to do my "business". As i pushed opened the gents door, i saw a girls reflexion from the mirror…. "shit!!!, i enter the wrong restrooms again!!! Lets hope that she din see me…" I quickly take a step back n turn aroud to the other restroom door. But then i notice that this restroom door has a Female sign…. "wait!!! that means that i din go into the wrong room?" i turn back n checked that the first door is with the male sign. I pushed opened the door n saw the gal standing, looking puzzled. I spoked,"erm… sorry i think u have enter the wrong toilet, this is the gents.." i can see that blood went straight up to her face siah…. but then at the same time her head went looking down…"sorry sorry…." she jus kept going. Think she would felt so "paiseh" that she dare not even lift up her head. ( well i dun blame her, cos i am a 过来人 myself.) n on her way out, she almost banged into another guy who was on his was into the gents. She apologised to the guy and dashed into the ladies. Then the guy jus look at her then back at me with a very different look in his eyes…. sort of like asking "wat were the 2 of u doing?" in then end i could feel myself blushing a little as well… :p …..

… its a day where i feel that i am stupid. Its been very long since i felt that way liao. Whatever that i was tasked to do, it will not work out. The blurrness, the clumsiness, the forgetfulness n the do-it-all-wrong side of me is all out. I basically feel that i shouldnt have gone to work. i can redo the same document due to errors, one after another. Forget to add this, forget to delete that… anything will jus go wrong. its only 4.30… hopefully nothing more goes wrong

-"….i am always thinking of u, hoping u were think of me……"- a song that keeps playing in my mind

会读书

灯 不能熄灭 熬过今夜 就能从书中逃回到 这个世界 我 我不明白 这个年代 怎么还能说 读好书 就会发财 好呆 爱我的爸 疼我的妈 说了那么多 你们明白吗 不是要反抗 只是要你看 我不满的地方 读读读读读到书都想吐 好想哭 怕怕怕怕怕老是背书 好白痴 你你你你你 只会说你要第一 我就快要发羊癫疯 不是每个人都会读书 会读书 不厉害读书也不一定 就会输 不是想要说我会读书 不在乎 我 只想要 你能清楚 我 我不明白 这个年代 怎么还能说 读好书 就会发财 好呆

翅膀

同样的机场

 不同世界 同样的咖啡

不同味觉

 同样的我和我 都少了一些

看飞机划过天空

 不见了 用你给我的翅膀飞

我懂这不是伤悲

 再高都不会累

我们都说好了

 用你给我的翅膀飞

我感觉己够安慰

 乌云也不再多

我们也不为谁掉眼泪

 空气中?著

你的香味

 回忆里躲著 你的眼泪

最后拥抱的

 温暖还有一些

我拖著行李往前

 一直走 看一看回忆

是云朵

 一朵朵的飘过 若想要回头 

就无法傲翔

哎呀哎呀
嘿伤外一次让我历程百毒不侵
要形成顶海神针有金刚不坏之身
可你的出现彻底打乱我的方针
连原本想单身的我也想结婚
突然失去屏风我已跌到在梅花阵
我没有特异功能不能让爱情永恒
可你的出现改变我的一贯口吻
一瞬间脑子乱的是哇拉里拉咙
爱你的心芭放放
得不到你的回音要发疯
猜你的心芭放放
被自己吓了一跳哎呀
爱你的心芭放放
没什么大不了我放放放
猜你的心芭放放
被爱情绊了一跤哎呀
你到底爱不爱我哎呀哎呀
要吧失恋失恋要吧失眠失眠
告诉我你的消息哎呀哎呀
要吗思恋思恋要吗锻炼锻炼
别让我主动约你哎呀哎呀
要吗习惯习惯要吗改变改变
我不想猜来猜去哎呀哎呀
别让我的爱情永远藏在心里
rap
你到底爱不爱我哎呀哎呀
要吧失恋失恋要吧失眠失眠
告诉我你的消息哎呀哎呀
要吗思恋思恋要吗锻炼锻炼
别让我主动约你哎呀哎呀
要吗习惯习惯要吗改变改变
我不想猜来猜去哎呀哎呀
别让我的爱情永远藏在心里
爱你的心芭放放
得不到你的回音要发疯
猜你的心芭放放
被自己吓了一跳哎呀
爱你的心芭放放
没什么大不了我放放放
猜你的心芭放放
被爱情绊了一跤哎呀
爱你的心芭放放
得不到你的回音要发疯
猜你的心芭放放
被自己吓了一跳哎呀
爱你的心芭放放
没什么大不了我放放放
猜你的心芭放放
被爱情绊了一跤哎呀

………. After walking for sometime, i started to notice that the trees, the rocks n the bushes look familiar… Its looks like i have walking round n round, and I am now back at the start point… My heart began to beat faster, i started to sweat uncontrollingly…. "Shit, i am lost… what should i do? i dun have a map, compass or anything that can assist me. Am i going to never find my way out and starve to death in this lonely forest?"…. "No! i don’t want to die alone… i cant even be alone for long… i need to get out, i need to get out of here! NOW!!!"

I started running… I just run aimlessly, hoping I would be able to hit a road, a trail or track if I just run straight… tree after tree, bush after bush…. Its seems that I am not going anywhere… I felt like that I will never get out of the forest… i stopped, looked around, the fear of lost has overtaken my body, I … i…. screamed…”Help! Help!….”

I was exhausted, I sat down on the ground. I just stared at the ground at the ants … thinking to myself that …”wei, qi lai… 7am liao……” (its only a dream)

… Lunch time!….

as i got of my office, i heard voices of a couple of gals chit chatting downstair….as usual i ignore n proceed down the steps n jus i was about i to reach the ground floor… among the gals there was this backview, very familiar… it looks like my poly classmate, Xiuyue. I thought that i should proceed forward to see if it was her n if so i shoud say hi…. but as i was getting down the flight of steps, the group were heading to the ladies…. :(   . Well, i cant follow them to the ladies. Then "grrr.." … oops my stomach is calling, so i decided to proceed with my lunch n jus send her a sms… She replied back n yup, it was her indeed…. but we din meet up…

Jus as i was about leave the canteen n head for my office… i notice this Singh… with black "turban"…. oh there, it is the tall singh i got to know in Army…. "Gapee" singh…. well, he looks the same. but i dun think he saw me…. i look at the time, time to head back to office. So again i din talk to him either…haha… its seems that i been meeting ppl but not really have a chance to talk to them….

Haiz…. Back to WORK!!

Wow!! this week is very different…. cos i keep meeting ppl i know from my secondary school… RSS - Riverside Secondary….

Firstly, when i was at the Conference held by my department…. i saw a familar face, she stil has her perm curly hair. "wait, wats her name???….. Mrs something, she taught me Geography… wats her name??". "Oh i remember…. Mrs Raja..". "Her Geography lessons were stressful, she is real strict…" She left RSS to be vice principal in WLDS Sec some years back. Wonder if she still remember me… but then i have not time to talk to her.

In the train….jus across the cabin…at the door, another familar face i see… She is the lady that most of us hates in our sec 3 n 4 lives… she has real good memory, she cants forget stuff (in my opinion). Can always remember i was given extra work to do (2 chapters) for 2 MCQs that i miss out in one of the assignment that was submitted to her before the june holiday…. But then have to thank her, as she makes me super confident when i went in to take my Physics O level. When i approached her, she managed to say,"U r Anthony right?"… there i told u she has super memory… well din talk much to her either…

At Civic centre, while i was taking the escalator down towards the Library (dun be stunned, i do go to library one…), suddenly there is this nice looking gal waving at me on the upward moving side of the escalator…. "hmmm… oh its lewei, the "hot" modern dancer." She does keep her image well… if i din remember wrongly, she is with SIA. But then again… din talk to her either, jus made a hi-bye gesture. Suddenly remember, i took a pic with her in Sec live b4, but its seems that she din sent a copy of it, wonder if she stil remember?

Thats it…. jus some ppl i met throughout from Monday to Wednesday… will there be more?